such a wretched being...

So, i've really been thinking about the heart lately.
It's desire not to be alone, but to have a companion, the desire to have someone that is closer than anyone else. That simple, rudimentary part of a person's being that knows they just don't want to, nor should they be alone in this life.

Oh sure it hits two levels. We were built to desire and crave a God that is the only being able to fill a gap in our hearts, our lives. This I know. And this i've asked, that the Lord would fill that gap. But there is this other gap (oh, and now that i write that, i gotta get asking that one again, and keep asking everyday, and every moment of everyday that God would fill the gaping holes we have in our lives without Him...), but this other gap, the one longing for a soul-mate, if i can use those 2 words.
it's an interesting way to say it. Soul-Mate. Yes she would be my mate, yet, it's so much more than just what you see, what you feel, it's so 'soul' based.
Spectator 103.45 says, "bubububuuut Robert, How on earth do you know, you've never had a girlfriend, let alone a souououl-mate"... (yes, specator 103.45 has a stutter..don't laugh, i had a lisp when i was a child)...
well my silly little stuttering compadre, i know this simply because it is my soul that cries out for this. Not just my body, or my mind even...but there is a part deep inside of me, that recognizes it is missing something.

This doesn't boarder obsession, it's not even close, it's just the constant knowing that there is something out there, some"ONE" out there that will make this life seem more alive, that in our relationship, our union, there i will be even closer to God, that there is a promise from our God that is yet unfinished....many, sure, but this is one that hits home.
Everyday i have not a companion on this earth, is one less day on this earth i will experience the fullness of God's creation. The woman, a beautiful, mystical, mysterious and lovely being, everything one could desire, no mistakes about it, when God created man, he held off because he knew the second batch is always a better one... (im' sorry ladies and gentlemen for very simply relating the entire human race to a batch of cookies).

"It is not good for the man to be alone..."

ever wonder if God looks at you and says that? and begins to, in his crafty, wonderfully sneaky way work about His promises towards us, that He would, in His perfect timing bring alone this wonderful, perfect and lovely being that requires your whole love, yet, you'd gladly lay it down before her. That one that shatters that statement "It is not good for the man to be alone..." *SMASH*....gone...
if it is NOT good for the man to be alone..then it must be GOOD for the man to have someone..
Every Good and Perfect Gift comes from the Lord.

makes me wonder why Paul degraded such an incredible union to a solutions for low 'self control'...

God: "Be Fruitful and Mulitply"
Paul: "I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I."

Sorry Paul, you absolutely NAILED it on that whole 'armour of God' thing in Ephesians (if in fact you wrote Ephesians...), but i'm going to have to go with God on this one.

So, it's settled, once i get over those remaining 7500 issues i have dealing with women, relationships, self worth and intimacy, i'll be ready for a wife. I know, I don't actively speak issues over my life....i just recognize that i have a ways to go in my walk of healing and freedom. But it's a walk that is uphill, challenging, and i have a Loving father that takes my hand and leads the way...so no, i do NOT have 7500 relationship issues, but i do also not have this thing figured out, and my heart, as amazing as it is, continues to need healing...so i ask, i ask you to heal me Father...

simple really.

Today's prayer (feel free to pray along if you find yourself alone and single and wondering what on earth i've just talked about...also, if you're married and happy, you better say a prayer for me, cause if you just say something like "nice blog"..i'll slap ya for rubbing your marriage status in my face ;).... just kidding..)

"God, You know the 2 areas of my heart, my life that are still remaining empty. The area of my life that needs You, and the part that is longing for the companion you desire me to have. The part of my heart that is missing You, You have been faithful and good to fill time and time again, but everytime i look at it, that canyon becomes larger and deeper, needing to be filled sovereignly again, needing to feel your love, your acceptance and your compassion over my life again. You have proved yourself faithful, loving and true, and I ask only that you would continue to draw me closer to Your heart, closer to the very place I find life. I need you more and more and more than I ever thought i would. Please be gracious and merciful, and fine me where i am, in my sin, in my disgust, in my shame and guilt, in all the dirt and grime that clings to me still. Let your loving presence and the blood that was Shed wash me clean. My Saviour, my King, My comfortor and my Lord, come again and fill me with your love. And to this second area of my heart. I can only assume when you say "I have plans to prosper you..." that this is included from the time you long ago said it was not good for man to be alone. It is still, not good for man to be alone. I need you not to put me to sleep and take my rib, but that you would bring along that perfect companion, who not quite as beautiful as you, will be the most beautiful woman this this poor young man has ever known. And give signs, and give nudges and give words to my ear that I can give heed to the promise set out before me.
God, you built me for relationship. Relationship with you, and relationship with your sons and daughters on this earth. And with every breath i want to honour that, teach me to Love, true love, true kindness and patience and mercy and acceptance and all the things you define Love as being, in the simple truth that YOU ARE LOVE.
I'm asking for your will Father, Your will be done in my life, your kingdom come in my life, here on earth, as you've already designed for it to take place in heaven.
LET YOUR KINGDOM COME..."

i love you...

Robert M. Augi