Saviour, Lead me on...

And suddenly I’m filled with the urgency to get a pen and paper, or at least open a word processor…

Where to go.

The sky is cloudy, the distant horizon dark with shades of orange and red…Oh the glory and splendor of the night sky. Yet, It feels cold. Oh why again am I in this place. How could my focus have become so skewed that I’m now staring at the ground wondering how my foot got stuck in this mud.

I look around me. I’m on the edge of a forest, it’s dark, it’s getting darker too. It’s cold, the mud around my ankle holds on like an iron grip, its cold, wet, gross textured hand creeping up my leg. I feel it wrap around my ankle and stumble as my knee gives way to its hold. I fear the sin that’s gripped my life. Why? Because it’s cold and it breaks me down, because it’s invaded my very soul and I don’t remember giving it permission to do so. “Damn you for not listening to the truth…” I scold myself.

I stop struggling. I wonder how I didn’t even see this hole of mud, this sinkhole waiting to capture me. I then remember that all these things boil down to a single thing. Choices. What choice did I make. Well, last thing I remember was that I was walking down the path of life, it was a bright and shining day, it was glorious. My saviour in sight, my King on the throne. And something caught my eye. It was only a glimpse, a fragment of something I thought I’d tasted before, something I thought I’d enjoyed before. And then it happened, I made that fated choice to step off the trail. It’s not a wide trail you see, it’s very small, it’s very narrow. One would even wonder how you would stay on this trail. You would think, it being the good trail, the marked road to a life more glorious than one could imagine, it would be plainly marked and have huge signs and lights or something. But very simple this path is, very plain. I wonder what attracted me to this path in the first place. It’s not a fun path.

Oh my goodness…remember that day my lover came, and saved me from that sinkhole of mud I was stuck in?!? I do, I remember that day as clear as the crystal sea he took me to, to clean the dirt off my feet, my knees, and my hands as I fell and face-planted into the grime before me. He saved me, He rescued me. Not only did he clean me, but it was the best day of my life. In fact, I don’t even remember how long that was, but he led me, led me into the most beautiful place, it was along that trail. The one that isn’t marked well, the one that isn’t fully cleared. I even remember asking him why it wasn’t such a well marked path. His answer intrigued me.

“The ones I lead down this path are few and far between. It’s hard to find someone who wants to adventure these days. I’ve been longing for as long as I can remember to have adventures with those I love. But this path is hidden from those who are looking for the easy road, this path is hidden from those who want to ride along and skip the adventure and just get to the prize.”

“But my Lord, don’t you want people to find this path, and surely you want people to get to the Kingdom?”

“Of course, but to make them do it would be wrong, don’t you see?”

I kind of stirred, it was interesting the way he put that. Making someone find happiness being wrong, it didn’t make sense.

He continued, “if you wanted something, something that would hurt you, but I didn’t tell you about the better choice, the one that would save you and give you more life, I made you take it instead, would you trust me? Would you want to stay with me? If I made you do everything. Does that sound like love?”

“Well,” I stammered, “no I guess, but I just think that if you love someone you would help them at any cost, wouldn’t you?”

“How can I help you if you don’t want it?”

“But surely I would want your help wouldn’t I, and I’m sure others do as well?”

“Remember not to long ago you were walking along my path, and you caught a glimpse of something shiny, it looked nice, but you didn’t know what it was, and when you reached out for it, instead of grabbing hold of it, it grabbed hold of you, and pulled you into the mud and grime that left you stuck for so long?”

“Yes of course, you came and rescued me…”

“You called out for me. You didn’t know what you were even calling for, but you asked for a saviour, you asked to be saved.”

“Is that all it takes?”

“Yes”

“That sounds easy”

“It is, but many don’t do that. They live on thinking they can handle it. Most don’t even realize they are stuck, most don’t see what they are in. Most are so used to the darkness around them, that light seems hurtful, seems painful. When I come close, they cringe because the darkness in them screams the most horrible shrill cry you’ve ever heard, but that darkness is all they know…”

“What can we do Lord?”, I asked.

“Don’t you see this is why I can’t make people change, I can’t make people accept me. It must be a choice. But, they don’t want to change, they don’t see what they are in. They think they know how to run their own lives.”

“how do you bring them in?”

“a small whisper, a gentle touch. A nudge that defines who I am in all my simplicity. A loving carress that leaves the heart longing for more because it’s a simple taste of the goodness and wholeness that I carry. The realization that life is missing something. Remember when that happened to you?”

“Oh yes, like it was yesterday. It was such a horrible time. I couldn’t even see clearly, I had that tumour on the side of my head. Or whatever it was, a lump of some sort. I felt so empty, so destitute. I was addicted to video games, I was playing more games than I had time. My life was a wreck. When I was alone at night, in the dark, everything I saw was a means to an end, it was either something to cover the pain, make it go away, or it was a choice to end it all, take my own life.”

“Do you remember what stopped you?”

“of course, that choice to end my life was always seconded by the thought of my brother crying…my mother and father and sister’s hearts breaking…”

“That was my nudge, my gentle way of letting you know there was hope, letting you know that there was love in this world for you. You weren’t ready to experience my love. And at that time I couldn’t make you come around, I couldn’t make things better when you didn’t ask. And then what happened?”

Suddenly I was reminded of standing in front of my school, my high school. I was standing there, feeling the lump on the side of my head, waiting to go to another day of work that got me nowhere, holding a cigarette in my hand, which seemed like the only thing that calmed me down. It was my moment of sanity from an otherwise horrible life. And I looked up at the sky, a tear dripped down my face and I cried, I cried so hard, and I screamed. I don’t remember if I saw anyone around me, I just screamed, I yelled up at the sky, asking for God to do something, do something please, because this life will kill me. What is going on? What is happening, I can’t believe my own life…

“That was the moment I was able to move in and give guidance towards your live. All your life up until that point was striving, was trying to make something happen. You would go to conferences, and come home, determined to live a life of change, determined to read and go to church and all the things you thought were right. Yet, what you missed was relationship. No one had ever told you I wanted to be your friend. Just that I was your God and you needed to live for me…”

Sitting by this calm sea of glass we were looking out over I cried, I crumpled down and cried at the feet of my Lord. He lifted my head and put it on his lap. I lay there, motionless, letting my heart cry out, letting my soul split open with the need of a saviour once again.

“How can I ever please you?”

was all I could think to say, I couldn’t get this detrimental attitude out of my head, I couldn’t figure out how I would ever end up not completely disowning my God and breaking His heart again…

“How can I do what’s right, I’m such a failure. I have more problem in my heart than I know what to do with. I can’t live for you, I can’t carry your sword, I can’t free your people…”

He wrapped his arms around me and held me close. He didn’t even say a word. He just held me close as my eyes poured out my hearts deepest fears. Then I felt a tear fall on my neck. It wasn’t my tear…it was a tear from the eye of my Lover, My saviour. He sat there, holding me close to his chest, sobbing as His tears rolled down my neck. I’d never felt such calm…such peace. I had never felt such love from a drop on my neck. It seemed with those tears my pain was being washed away.

I suddenly was saw blood. All I could see was blood, and I realized what I was seeing in my minds eye, my Saviour on a cross, crying, dripping with blood. The blood poured from His side, His hands, His feet. The tears flooded out of his hurting, broken eyes as he hung there, his life giving in to death. Oh I cried. To bear sight of that awful situation, yet to see the salvation as it hung there before me. As I saw the tears and blood fall from my Lord, I saw them intertwine as they ran down the cross onto the ground.

At that moment I rubbed my neck and saw blood and tears on my hand, and I suddenly realized I was lying underneath the foot of the cross, the tears and blood that flowed out of Christ washing over me. And all I could feel was life, as my sin was washed away, washed from my life, as it stuck to His.

As my pain was washed away, and my heart was strengthened, as my heart was mended and my body was encouraged to stand, I found myself once again under that tree, with my Saviour.

Looking me in the eye He said, “May I lead you on the most incredible adventure you’ve ever known?”

I took his hand and he led me on, down that path, down that barely marked, dirt covered path we walked. Joy filled my heart, the sun rose with power and strength, and my life seemed new.

I remembered that moment as I looked down and wondered why I was stuck in mud again. On that path I live in love, I live in life. Yet, so many times I’ve been fooled by something shiny off to the side of the trail. Something that intrigues me, and I seldom know what it even is, but it’s shiny, and so I reach out, and again, I’m stuck, again I’m dragged down into the mire and dirt of a life of sin.

“GOD THAT YOUR TEARS AND BLOOD WOULD WASH ME AGAIN!!!!!”, I cry out. I lean forward, strength comes over me and I feel sweat on my brow. I wipe it off and look at my hand, I see blood, and I see tears.

I hear a small voice inside of me speak out, “I have not left you, I have not forsaken you. For I am right here with you, right beside you, right behind you, right infront of you, all around you and most importantly, inside of you. My life I poured into you on that day, on that day you accepted me, on that day you chose to believe. Let today be the day that you rise up, that you feel my life inside of you. Let today be the day that you recognize what is inside of you. That sin does not have a hold on your life. That sin has invaded an area that it does not belong in, that it has tried to tread ground on a place it is not allowed. Stand my son, Rise and shine for the Glory of God is on you. Rise and shine for the time has come for you to realize life and life to the fullest. I have not called you for a time such as this, but for this time, this very time, this moment, to rise, to stand tall and straight. To be the mighty man of valour you are called to be. Time to be the strong and true warrior that you are destined to walk this earth as. The Kingdom of God stands behind you, the decree of the Lord before you, and the power of the King inside of you. Grab your sword, grab your shield, hold strong to the armour you wear, hold fast to the truth you possess and lean heavy into the teachings of your King, the way of the warrior. The time of the warrior is at hand, the time of the victorious one is here. The demonstration of the power of God will no longer be silent. The hand of God is not still, but it moves to and fro over the face of the earth, enacting His plan, bringing forth His decree.”

“Go out and free those you see. Go out and take the hand of your neighbor, take the hand of your son, your daughter, your mother, your brother, take the hand of the hurting widow, the broken and destitute, the sad and lonely, take the hand of those you see and lead them, lead them into the promised land…"