i think...

i think i've realized something.

sometimes i get really nervous if i'm supposed to lead worship. and i think i just realized why it is that i get really nervous sometimes.... it's because it's a team sport..
and when you're playing with a team that you don't know, or that you think doesn't want to be there, or that you aren't used to playing with...it leaves something, that is all about the heart, a very precarious, worrisome event.

like...if i ask someone to play with me, and they have to see if they can fit it in their schedule, not if they can make it happen, but if they can 'fit it in'...then it's really not all that encouraging...
questions like "do you really need someone"...or "if you can find someone else that'd be great"..

i don't know....it's aded stress i just don't want right now...that's the long and short of it...
when, this shouldn't even be a stress thing...
i could stand up there by myself and do it... but who really likes to play alone...

It's not even about trying to find people...it's about finding people that have the same heart, that connect, that want to grow in it, not just suffer through it... do i smell funny?!?