oh the plague of thought

it's amazing how improving ones surroundings can have such a profound difference in said person's life...take my newly painted kitchen and dining room, looking loads better, on the way to being finished (just got the cabinet knobs, coat hook to paint and hang some pictures up and clean and put everything back), walking into the room gives such a satisfying feeling of "i've done this, this is my handywork"...of course not alone, but the feeling of having accomplished something adds great weight to a person's self esteem. maybe it all goes back to showing off what you have and covering up what you are. food for thought in the back of my throat...that tastes like...*chomp* *chomp*...email

the heartstrings. what are they, where are they located, and how can so many people play them without asking, or better yet, without even knowing that they are. it's like an open part of the human body, or emotion, or whatever, that seems to be accesible to the general public, hense the 'open' part. Ya learn so much about 'guarding the heart' and 'being open / vulnerable' well, i say the two are complete opposite and how are you supposed to do both, this is the question i propose to myself, "how can you protect, what you can't see, can't feel and more often than not, can't control" - emotions and the human heart. It's risky, it's dangerous, and it's by far the most sought after thing in the whole universe. When a young boy does something great and he gets aplauded by his parents, he has just obtained their heart, and his heart strings have been played, a beautiful tune. When his friends pat him on the back for a job well done on the football field, once again there is an emotional high, and all seems to go well, and then one day this young lad recognizes that there's more to life than family and friends, but oh damn, we gotz women around. Well the whole world of this fella gets tipped upside down, and soon enough he realizes he doesn't know jack shit about love, or women, or even his own heart. the strings of his heart that can bring such a sweet song get pulled this way and that, and soon enough it's easier to hide and cower than to show his face. Pursuit, it's a great word, hell, it's a great concept, but the young lad doesn't know what it means, can't define it, is to damn afraid to try it and wonders to himself more often than not "would it even work if i tried." So, it's a daily journey, some better than others, loneliness sets in, then leaves, then comes back like a hurricane and the strings make a violent shaking, banging sound on the inside of his poor chest. Ahh the joys of human relationship. Dogs have it figured out best....sniff around a bit, and it's as good as done...not saying i'm up for sniffing peoples butts to see if i'm attracted to them, but somedays that seems like it would be easier... and the greatest sign infront of his face is 'life goes on, through hurt, through pain, through sorrow, through gladness and excitement and glee, life must go on, not because it just has to, but becuase there is something to live for, and it goes beyond this search for affection, it goes beyond the search for human relationship and human companionship, it reaches out to a higher source, a power far greater than anything on earth, and a God that can take care of the heart, the strings, and all things in between." And in the morning, he wakes up and says, "am i still alone?"