Things amis

Well, things are odd these days. I'll admit, they aren't that bad, but things are changing in a huge way around me. I'm working, my house is slowly getting fixed up, my best friend is getting married. Ever have that happen to you, you feel like you are loosing probably the closest thing that you've ever had in your life. Your stomach feels queezy at times, and you wonder what you are supposed to do after that part of your life is gone. Sure it's not fully gone, but one's best friend is, well, pretty damn close isn't he, and not like you didn't know that, but when something huge happens in their lives, it affects you largely. But out of respect and kindness and understanding you don't actually say anything about it because you know the change in that person's life is a good 100x that of which you are feeling, yet the heart gets pained again. The heart, such an odd thing. So much in life affects it, so much in life pokes at it and makes it ooze feeling and part of you. People come along and whether they know it or not they touch a part of your heart and leave with some of your life on their hands, and you feel it, you really do. Take family for instance, I can't leave them without wondering if i should be leaving or not, i can't walk away without wondering if i'm not missing out on some bigger part of life because everything they stand for and everything they are is an incredibly large part of my life. Sven getting married, i'm so happy for him, i think it's one of the greatest moves of his life, yet a huge part of my heart is screaming "Don't do it, i'm loosing you...". Does this all mean that the heart is just another selfish part of society that is untamable and wreckless. makes me wonder. If i were to actually walk up to him and say "don't get married, i can't handle it..." it would be completely seen as selfish. I would never say that, nor do i think my heart really feels that as much as the words express, but it is in there, the part that wants to hold on to a life that has been for so long, that one thinks shouldn't change...


got my shift bids for the next 4 months (sept - jan) and i'll be working 11am - 5pm....sleepin' in everyday, making good money, taking overtime whenever i can to up my hours...i'm looking forward to it..

well, for those coming around for the wedding on sunday, i will see you then...