The Power of a word...

Why is it that when we need to say something, we often times don’t say anything at all, and when we need not say anything at all, it is so very hard to keep our mouths shut? I started thinking about this while I was staying with a couple friends of mine, or a couple friend, married as they are, becoming ‘one’ as they say. Anyways, far be it from me to wax intellectual about marriage and relationships of which I know not. So, back to my point, I was visiting this wonderful couple, in whom I find 2 of my absolutely closest friends, both just in a friendship sense and in the bond of a highly spiritual aspect as well, and one evening they got into some conversation that made them both go quiet for the next half hour. I’m not calling it an argument, because like I said, in the context of a relationship I dare not make any call as to what is, or what should be proper conduct or even just what is or should happen in that relationship. Being single me whole life, in my opinion, rules me out of the ability to ‘call that one’, as a referee calls a match I suppose.

So, we’re sitting in the car on the way to dinner with some friends, and the first half our of the ride is damn near completely silent, and it gets me thinking. Firstly my brain headed towards the question, “why do people just not say “I’m Sorry” when it seems that a simple gesture of apologetics would correct the wrong. Now, I’m not saying that in every case an apology is needed, ONLY an apology is needed, I don’t necessarily agree with that. I believe sometimes we need time to just step back and let be what we need let be, or take some time to ourselves to get our head and thoughts and heart around what has just happened and back into a right frame of mind to be able to apologize in a right manner. And that was my second thought, where the title of this little rant comes from “the power of a word…”, being that we have become increasingly flippant with our words, our apologies, our words of affirmation and comfort, etc… Do I say “I’m Sorry” because I feel it is the ‘right’ thing to do? Have I said “I love you” because you expect me too at the end of the phone call? Am I associating all of my words with an actual thought, or has this world, and the throwing back and forth of such phrases and words made my words to the people that matter most automated?

I guess the questions this brings up are:Why do we not say what we should say, at all?Why do we say what we shouldn’t say at the wrong times, or even say what we should say, but at the wrong times?
Why are we saying what we aren’t feeling…are we meaning what we say?
Why does it take so long for us to say what we should say, if we are going to say it at all?

There are probably other questions floating in my head, but it’s early and I don’t know what they are, they might just get out sometime later on in this little writ.

Let’s tackle the first…Why do we not say what we should say? Well, there are multiple reasons I suppose, I think I can best, and probably only speak out of my own life and experience, as I can’t answer for you, or you, or you (wow, very lofty of me, assuming at least myself and 3 people will read this…). Assume for the next bit that I am not talking about ‘taking time’ to figure out what to say, or taking time to deal with your heart etc… like I was talking about early. What I am saying here is ‘when something needs to be said, why do we not say it?’. I think the simplest of reasons would be our good friend pride. Pride covers a multitude of sins, and I do not mean cover in the sense of getting rid of, but rather encompasses most of what we deal with when it comes to relationships. I will not say what I need to say, simply because I am trying to prove a point, I am right, You are wrong. Get over it woman, I have the right answer. He’s such a jerk, I’m not saying sorry to that asshole. Mom just thinks she knows everything, always down my throat about stuff, she doesn’t deserve my apology. I can’t believe dad would be such a hypocrite, he went through the same thing as me, yet seems to act like he has no idea what I’m going through, I will not say I’m sorry to that… etc…
We believe we are right, we are offended by someone, we think we’re smarter, or we just don’t want to admit we are wrong. That’s the biggest probably, not wanting to admit we are wrong. I must appear strong, so I am not taken advantage of. I must appear ‘all together’ because if I don’t, someone will exploit my weakness.

I’m going to share something that God spoke to me a while ago, it made more sense when it comes to things like this than I’ve seen in a while in relationships. He said “give honour over awkward…” I didn’t get it at first, I thought “what on earth are you talking about, I’m not awkward… and why are you dragging honour into this?”. Then it slowly started to sink in. It was first in the context of a girl I really liked, yet at the same time, was dating my best friend (she was, not me lol…) and it was a little awkward for us all in some ways, they knew they weren’t supposed to be dating, and they were anyways, and God started to talk to me about this honour over awkward.
Imagine for a moment that you are sitting on a park bench with a girl (and you are a guy) or you are a girl and you’re sitting with a guy, doesn’t bother me none. Now, you are struggling with this person as to ‘how far is to far’ or something of the sort. You feel inside that you should talk about it, it makes sense doesn’t it, it’s not going to get resolved if we don’t talk about it, but what will he think, what will he say, will he stop liking me, will he think that I’m just a party killer and leave me for someone that will be like he wants? YET, at the very, exactly, precisely same moment the person you are with is thinking the exact same thing about you…
So, instead of thinking that what you need to say will make things awkward, believe that what you need to say will be honouring to the other person. The interesting thing about honouring someone is that sometimes they don’t know it. If for instance a young girl offers herself to me (extreme, but go with me), she will undoubtedly no think of me saying no as ‘honouring’ her, but in my saying no, I am preferring her because I don’t want her, or myself to go through something that we will regret. So, in saying no I will think “oh man, she is going to hate me, it’s going to be so awkward, it is going to be so horrible, she won’t talk to me again…”, yet, that is simply a trick of the enemy to get us to do something we were not supposed to do.

Honour over Awkward. It could almost be said “Honour = Awkward”. Are you willing to be awkward? Are you willing to honour someone no matter what the personal cost?

I started out talking about things that get in between relationships, and I want to get back there just for a moment. I want to encourage us all to follow what the bible says, “Do not let the sun go down on your wrath.” Or however it says it, I always tend to forget what it says exactly, but the meaning of it is simply, “get dealt with today, the dealings of today…” Do not let the enemy have a hold on your relationships for more time than he ought to. Deal with these things. A friend pisses you off, talk about it, get it out there, don’t hold it and harbour it. It is a dirty ship that will make the waters of your soul murky at best. Be willing to honour people instead of continuing to hold onto things in fear of ‘awkwardness’.