The Next Step...

Another one, eh?....read if you like.... 2 of 3

I often sit around and think about what the next step of life is going to be for me. It seems that over the last 5 years I’ve found that where I am in my life I’ve been running from one stage to the next and never actually settled down. It’s been a blessing and a problem all at the same time. I’ve realized recently that it’s been because God has kept me that way and I’ve been in His graces for the most part. He showed me a vision a while back that I’ve been in a season, for the last 5 years, of training, a time of Him opening my eyes and seeing His Kingdom; the greatness of it all, the wonderful expanses of His Kingdom, All that He has to offer. And in that time, I’ve seen more than I ever thought imaginable. Yet, it has only been recently that I have realized that this has been God’s design for my life in the last 5 years. I thought for a long time that it was just an evil curse and there was something wrong with me. I thought that because I hadn’t ‘settled down’ where I was, I was sinning in some way, or that I wasn’t living in God’s design for my life, and then recently he showed me that he has had me in a planters pot and has been revealing the expanse of the Kingdom in a way that grows the tree, and now it is time to plant that tree, going out of the planters pot and into the ground where I can grow in the inside, where I can develop the intimate, deep rooted relationship with Him that I so desperately need.

Do not despise the stages of life you are in my friends. In these stages we will sometimes battle confusion and depression, but stick with the wonder and teaching of God. He has you where He has you for a reason. I am not saying stay somewhere that you do not feel like God is having you stay. I urge anyone who feels ‘out of place’ because of spiritual unrest (in your heart and not just a ‘I’m not happy so I want to leave) to seek God and ask him where he is to have you. Sometimes, like a friend of mine that I was recently talking to, He will tell you to stay where you are, as a teaching ground for you to learn something that you wouldn’t get somewhere else. I have spent many a time in this stage, learning and not understanding. I went through a time last year where my 2 best friends left the city I was living in to move on to where they felt God was telling them to go. I felt abandoned and left alone, I had no reason to stay where I was (physically), but God had other things for me yet. I knew that I was still supposed to stay where I was. And today, I am still there. Ok, not entirely true. Today I am sitting in one of my best friends houses in Puerto Rico, with the door wide open and the warmth of the evening air filling the room as I listen to the ocean slowly role in against the beach; one of the most beautiful sounds and experiences I know. I often feel I am called to this island at some point in my life. It is a beautiful country with an even more beautiful people. God will reveal that to me in time if that is meant to be part of my destiny.

I say the ‘next step’ because often times we think of our ‘destiny’ as a moment we are trying to get to, something we are to achieve somewhere down the road in our lives and it is our ‘destiny’. Destiny is not a place, it is not a time, it is not a moment. Destiny is our lives. Destiny is fulfilling what God is calling you to do in the very moment you are in, at all times, not just some distant ‘moment’. I mentioned that destiny is not a moment, and then just defined it as a moment. Don’t get confused. Moments are something that we tend to think only happen once and a while, but God has given us a destiny to fulfill at all times, in every moment of everyday. When I am ‘in my destiny’ I am finding what God is wanting of me at all times. Jesus only did what he saw the father do, only spoke what he heard the father speak. That is living in our destiny.

I don’t know where I’m going with what I’m writing right now, except that I feel this urging in my spirit to think on what I want in my life.

Every once and a while you will have someone come up to you and ask you that fated question, “So, what do you want to do with your life? What are your dreams, your desires? What do you see yourself doing in 5 or 10 years?” and so on and so forth. I often hear these questions and my heart sinks. I honestly don’t know. There has been something about the heart of dreaming that has left me, and I can only pin point it to the scripture that says the enemy has come to kill steal and destroy. What has he come to kill and steal and destroy? Well, the verse continues to say “But I have come that you may have life and life to the full” or life more abundant as some versions say, meaning the enemy has meant to kill, steal and destroy the opposite of life. When we have life, we know what we are ‘living’ for. When we stop and ask ourselves “what do I want to do with my life?” and come up short, it makes me sort of think that there is something missing and I am not living in that ‘life more abundant’. Something has been stolen from me. And I’m left asking, “how will I find this ‘life’?”.

A pastor of mine (I’ve had a few over the last few years) told me once that God hasn’t shown me what to do with my life because if God had shown me the extent of my ‘destiny’ (meaning how far God is wanting to take me) I would become scared and fearful because it’s farther than my mind can reach.

I agree, and I’m only shortly into this journey of my life. Turning 25 in only 22 days might be why I am thinking these things. I have done and seen more in these last 5 years than I had hoped to see in my entire life. Although, I guess if I am honest I have never let myself dream at all. I always flipped back and forth when I was growing up. I Don’t think I ever wanted to do one single thing with my life for more than a year at most. I thought I wanted to be a lawyer, a graphic designer, etc… (2 opposite extremes almost). And when I came to where I am now 5 and a half years ago I had no idea what I was stepping into.

I thought I was keeping a promise to God to get my life sorted and step into a life of servitude and church duty at best. I had no desire for ministry, no desire for God or the word, no desire for worship or preaching or teaching, counseling or the rest of it. I had no sight for what God had in store for me. And here I sit, about to embark on a cruise for the 3rd year in a row as a ‘worship leader’. I don’t say that to boast on position or ‘look what I am now become’, but I say it to say simply, God has a plan. God has a destiny for us all. My destiny is not being a ‘worship leader’, BUT, being a worship leader is instead just ‘part’ of my destiny in God. My destiny in God is to be a son. To be a beloved son, that knows his father more and more as he lives and grows in this life. If Jesus has come to give us life and life more abundant, then we must seek hard after this life, and we will need to fight for it. In a great epic movie we see people coming into their ‘destiny’ often. William Wallace in Braveheart, came into his ‘destiny’ as he stood up for his people. Robin Hood comes into his destiny as he stands up for the people around him against the tyrant prince. The stories go on and on, and in a book, or a movie there is only time for ‘one’ viewing of a persons destiny. Gandolf from the Lord of the Rings is a good example of someone who has and is living out their destiny, although in the end he “retires” and I don’t believe that there is, for any of us, retirement from our destiny, just as there is no ‘vacation’ form it.
Your destiny is not just the season you are in, and the foresight that God has given you over the years to see what the Kingdom has for you does not need to be accomplished in this very time. That is a thing that often confuses me. I tend to look at life as having to be played out in the next few months, because of a dream or vision that God has given me. God started to talk to me a couple years ago about becoming a pastor, yet, I have no sight, or foresight of this happening any time soon. So, why is God showing me that? Because it is ‘part’ of my destiny. We mustn’t get locked into what we are doing in the moment so much that we think that is our destiny for life. Destiny is more than what we do, it is who we are.

And I’ve just hit it haven’t i. Destiny is not what we do, it is who we are. We are ‘destined’ for greatness. What we have done is great, but that does not equal our destiny, it means that we, living in our destiny, have accomplished great things.

I am rambling and have no idea what I’m saying….

I wish only to live in God’s destiny for my life. Call it my destiny, or call it God’s destiny, I don’t really mind what it is called, I just pray that I am living in it as we continue to see His Kingdom come on earth as in Heaven. There is more to this life and I wish to have it… God grant me life and life more abundant, help me lay down what hinders this life, and help me grasp what will bring this life to fullness. All for your glory.

I Forsake who I am for Your sake…