Tuesday, February 06, 2007

The Other Door...

So, we get 3 posts in one day...because i'm on vacation, haven't had internet for a few days, and have had lots of time to just sit and think and soak up the sun...here's the first....the other door...

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Have you ever stood before a door that shut on you? This could be any door, a door you want to desperately get through, a door you think you are supposed to go through, even a door that others have told you that you are most definitely supposed to go through.

I’ve been there. In the distant past, more recently, and currently… And I’m sure more to come. These are the doors that life puts in front of us. I say ‘life’ because God may not have ‘put’ that door in front of you, but rather allowed you to see it and walk to it, with intentions of you learning form the experience (whatever it be).

These are doors of destiny, and we must start asking ourselves which destiny we want, which door will we go through.

I’m writing this because earlier today, sitting in an airplane flying from Buffalo, NY to JFK (NYC) I realized that often times when we see a door shut, we continue to stair at that damn door and wait for it to open. This the case more often than not, especially when it is something we want very much, in our human, fleshly nature. One could very quickly get confused and think I am going towards saying that God is a mean ol’ man that likes to get our hopes up and shut doors. This is not the case at all. Nor is it the true that God maliciously sends us on rabbit trails in order to teach us a lesson, or teach us something in our lives.

If we look closely we will see that God does in fact put doors in front of us, and if we will keep our eyes, spiritual eyes, open, we would see these doors a lot better than whatever it is that we are staring at.

I’ve recently found myself rather, how do you say…. smitten, with someone of the female variety. I’ve known since I first saw her over a year and a half ago that she was not the ‘one’ for me, in fact I clearly heard God say “don’t even bother liking her…” I will admit, that is a weird thing to hear God say. But God speaks to me rather frankly when I’m spending time in His presence and our relationship is developed. He puts it like it is, because that’s how I need to hear it. Now, instead of looking for ways to deal with this situation, follow the door of ‘walking away’ in front of me, I have continued to stair intently at this other door. Don’t get me wrong, this girl is absolutely fantastic, wonderful, lovely, deserving of the world and gorgeous like no other. Oh, and we get along like you wouldn’t believe. In my head, the human side that ignored the ‘walking away’ door, I’ve got it all figured out, it should work perfectly. I’ve always been a believer of embracing your feelings and not killing your heart, and I feared that if I did just try to ignore this wonderful woman, that I would in fact be ‘killing’ a part of my heart that I shouldn’t. After all, we’ve been taught (we in the circles I run with) that it is not good to build walls and kill our hearts. I thought I was doing a decent thing.
Well as we all know the male heart can be one to run away with itself. I find myself thinking about her the odd time, and time passes and I continually get to these points (yup, it happened more than once) that me and her would talk about these ‘feelings’ I had, and conclude it wouldn’t work. I even went as far as telling her what God had said to me. Now before you get the right idea…I mean ‘wrong idea’, she doesn’t like me, so that’s a good enough reason for it to ‘not work’ right there, but what I’m talking about is the identifying with what you feel, as a man, for a woman, and dealing with it properly. And in my head, I couldn’t very well live my life feeling this way about someone and not letting her know. It’s done wonders for my ability to talk to women. It’s also been a very hellish road at times. A few months ago took me to one of these moments again, and this girl, wonderful as she is, told me, “rob, honestly, I wish I liked you, you are amazing blah blah blah…” ( I don’t say blah blah blah in disrespect to her, I say it cause there was more said that I can’t remember and that probably doesn’t need to hit this page…). AND we as men, who have been ‘rejected’ know what that whole conversation is like. We take things differently that usually it is said. It’s good to know that a girl doesn’t like us, there was definitely no hope left in that statement, “I wish I did, but I don’t”, so I can move on right? Well throw in the stories of friends of mine, close personal friends that had a girl say something quite similar and he said, “that’s ok, I still like you…” and one day she wakes up and says, “oh my goodness, I love the bloke…” Add the story upon story of the older men and friends of ours that have told us that they had to ‘not give up’ because as a man you’re supposed to ‘win’ the girl. Even a girl will say that, she wants to be pursued. So does ‘no’ really mean ‘no’…who knows. Anyways, to continue on, with these things in my head (and not the fact that God told me not to bother) I didn’t fully give up. I thought I had. I honestly thought I had moved on and we were just going to be good friends. Time goes on and in a moment of drunkenness (yah, I’ve been drunk, sorry to break it to you in such a heart / relational post), standing at a bbq in the snow and rain, blurt out to her, “…and I love you…”

Wow. Shock to me, and HUGE SHOCK to her. She looked at me, hit me and said, “say what?”

The story goes on, that was over a month ago and I’m sitting here trying to deal with the fact that I really do like this girl, a whole lot, and really think I would go the lengths to ‘pursue’ her. Again, my argument has been, ‘it’s not good to ‘kill’ the feelings, right?’. That is very true. You shouldn’t kill feelings, you shouldn’t bury them, like I had. I thought for sure we were fine, so did she, things were going well, and then out of nowhere this things explodes in my face, and since that moment that I opened my mouth at the bbq, I haven’t been able to shake her from my mind, my dreams and my thoughts.

Then I was reading a book the other night and it hit me. The author was writing about a quite similar situation and said, as a man, we are attracted to beauty, to God’s creation, and especially to women. It’s in our system, God said it, “it is not good for man to be alone…” AMEN to that, I feel the affects of being alone more than ever, it’s a lonely thing, and God was smart when he said that (still is too…)
BUT, our attraction to beauty must come second to our dependence on God. He gave us a heart that is full of life and seeks more of it, is enthralled with beauty, and I was left saying “HOW DO I GET RID OF THESE FEELINGS…”

I’m pretty sure now that we can’t get rid of them. That you can’t out of your own power in any way, minus brain-washing yourself, to not like someone, but if God has said this is not the right one, or if she has said that she isn’t the right one, or if you just know that she isn’t the right one, you must go past what we as humans can physically and mentally do, and turn to what we can spiritually do. In turning to God and saying “God, take my heart, I’m hurting and my heart continually goes towards this…” He is able to come in and change our hearts.

The other side of it is where this post started. I pose this in a question: “What door are you looking at?” I’ve been looking at this door (this girl) and wanting to walk through the door of ‘relationship’, of ‘love’ etc…

Another way you can say this easily is “where is your focus? Are you focusing on God, or are you focusing on what is around you.

I’ve brought this to the table in respects to a woman I’ve fallen for. But the same can be said about most situations. And I’m pretty convinced (and might be able to find it in the bible if I knew where, but someone can correct me if this isn’t actually stated in the bible) that when God shuts a door, he is faithful to provide another one for us to walk through. Or as some would say, when God shuts a door, he opens a window.

The door being shut doesn’t mean it goes away, in fact, a shut door is more visible and ‘taunting’ than one that wasn’t shut before. Put a wall in front of a guy and he’ll want to climb over it….put a door in front of us and we’ll want to tear it down. And if our focus sticks on that door, it’s like if you stair at anything intently. Try it… Take a moment and stare at something it can be anything…I’m staring at the corner of my laptop screen right now, and if I stare at it long enough…letting my eyes focus on it alone, eventually the rest of the world around me will fade into darkness and all I will see is what I am focused on.

Where is the other door? What is the other door? I want to give you hope today. Hope for a better door. Jeremiah 29:11 is one of my favourite, if not my absolute favourite verse in the bible, “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope.”

Me staring at this door will get me hurt, I will continue, like I have 3 or 4 times run into it full on and realize that there is nothing for me on the other side, and that it is someone else’s door to walk through. Ease up your gaze and ask God to refocus you. He will be faithful to point you in the right direction.

Do Not assume you know what door he will point you to. In a relational sense it’s a little easier, I know at least that he will point me in the direction of a woman. But maybe, just maybe (and I don’t believe this, cause I’m to awesome to stay single for my life) but maybe he’s pointing me to a door of whole-hearted 100% commitment to Him, without earthly attachments. It could happen. I hope not, but it could happen.

I’m thinking more of doors that deal with our life around us and questions we ask about what we should be doing, where we should be going, when we should be going… The se are questions that are not easy to answer on our own. In fact I would not want to answer them on our own, we run great risk of messing things up when we take our life into our own hands. So, this is what I propose to you. Ease your gaze and lift your eyes to God and as you’re staring at Him, He will ‘direct your path’ and lead you to the doors you must knock at. “seek and you shall find, knock and it shall be opened…” Seek God, and let him point you to the doors you are to knock on, and it shall be opened before you.

Did the ministry door shut because God wants you to go to a different ministry? Or maybe, just maybe he wants you to take the business world by storm, or wants you to focus on your family for a season. Having the door shut in one area doesn’t mean that the next door will even be in that area, be open to His direction.

Did your business proposal fall flat because God wants you to go into a different business venture? Or is this your opportunity to break out into the ministry side of God’s calling for your life?

Did the house in Winnipeg fall through because you are supposed to find a different house, or because you are supposed to move somewhere completely different, or nowhere at all?

The questions that direct our life, the questions that we ask time and time again because we get uneasy.

What door are you focused on? Focus your eyes on him, and the doors will not matter so much, it will just be a matter of walking up to them, holding your Daddy’s hand, and knocking, and seeing His power unfold.

I am not saying this is ‘easy’. Nor am I saying that this comes without fight, but that is a post for another day. We must fight for what we want, the violent take the kingdom by force, I believe that as much as I believe in being a young child with all my money bet on the power and strength of God.

Keep your chin up. There is another door.

I’m telling myself the same thing at this very moment.

“God, I give up these doors I’ve been staring at, the doors you’ve either told me to walk away from, or have not put in my walk. I’m asking you to forgive me for being a stubborn, bull headed charger that is trying to break through a door I am not supposed to even knock on. I thank you for using this situation to not hurt me, but to show me your truths and to continue growing in wisdom and knowledge. Help me to ease my gaze and focus solely on You, where my help comes from. You have plans to prosper me, help me trust in you for those plans. To you be all the Glory, and let your Kingdom come and Your will be done in my life and the lives of my friends, family, and those around me…”

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