time upon time...

Well, there is a good portion of you who will hate me for the fact that I’m sitting in the lobby of a cruise boat in the middle of the Bahamas... but if it’s any consolation, I’m paying 10.50USD / 30min for my internet. Oh, I’m smarter than sitting here typing on the blogger website, trust me, I’ve typed this whole thing on Microsoft Word, and now I bring it to you courtesy of Ctrl+C / Ctrl+V. So Ctrl, C & V please take a bow, sit down and shut up cause there’s lots to talk about tonight.

I’ve recently realized that I learn a lot from verbal process of information, and at the same time God tends to give me quite a lot of revelation as I talk. It’s a wonder why I got in so much trouble when I was a young lad, and now it’s such a fabulous mechanism for God to teach me stuff…hrmmm.. hooda-thunk-it…

Oh..did I mention that I’m having a beer out of a metal bottle. Now, it’s not a beer I would choose on a regular basis, being that it’s Bud Light, but the fact that it’s incredibly cold, and going down like water, makes it one of the tastiest beverages this side of Cuba (which we are currently 13 miles north east of (I think) ). I digress, but really, you should see it…if I wasn’t so lazy I’d walk up to my room and get my camera, take a picture, put it on my laptop and post it here on this blog entry. However, the internet, being satellite isn’t the fastest… and at .35 / min I’m going to opt out of your visual needs of my story.

So, you’ll have to just imagine me sitting on deck 5 of the Star Princess, right in the middle of the promenade which is a nice hole of 3 decks, Deck 5 being the bottom and currently I’m looking up to the peoples walking out of the promenade bar on Deck 7. It really is a wonderful concept…a boat with bars and pizza and all manner of wondrous things. I wish you could all be here. Although I don’t know if anyone would ever even read this because I’m horrible at blogging, so no one checks this thing anymore, if anyone ever checked it in the first place.

Hrmm… I was saying something about verbal processing of information huh?

I swear I had a point to convey after that. I’m going to start talking, and see what happens. See, this is either an incredibly good thing, or it just means that I absolutely LOVE the sound of my own voice, which if you know me, is quite true. So here goes.

God’s been talking to me a lot about Obedience lately. What it means to be obedient and why it’s so important. Not just “it’s a good thing to be obedient” but it really is a matter of life and death. I think I’m starting to realize that when Jesus said “I’ve come to give you life and life to the full” he meant “listen to me, it will get you really far in life.”

Life is choices, a long string of choices that result in a long string of results. I wake up and I’m faced with the choice of wanting to live, I’m faced with the choice to follow God or follow what I want. I’m faced with the desire to live my way, but the choice to sacrifice that and lay it down for the sake of getting into the face of God and reaping benefits far greater than I could ever imagine.

What’s the severity of this? Well, I’m sitting here thinking of Israel and how God said “take the land, it’s Yours”…they all went “no way, giants are scary we’re out of here”

Obedience = taking the land

Disobedience = 40 years in the wilderness that results in that whole generation dying (am I right, I dunno, I gotta read my Bible more… but I’m sure I’m right on this one)

OH MY GOODIE-NESS….Bill Johnson just sat down no less than 4 feet away from me…. I am so-o-o-o-o-o nervous… what if he says hi, or ….oh wow..

And I’m back…sorry… I love the sound of my voice like I said, and specially when I get to go all crazy with the emphasis and stuff…I’m a little kid, I know. Oh, I turned 24 on this past Sunday, still not sure how I feel about that. I think I’m ok with it, but then again I just don’t know. I got carded walking into the bar on the ship that we went to that night, so that’s good …. Or bad… I dunno.

And back to my verbal diarrhea, I mean processing.

I think what’s really amazing is the fact that God is so gracious. I have a really great example and here it is. Since I was 15 years old I’ve been smoking, in fact it was probably about January or early, early February of my 15^th year (so right before I turned 16) that I started smoking. I wasn’t all that keen on God at the time and definitely wasn’t listening to him, I wanted to fit in and didn’t have a madd amount of friends so why not light up. There’s a choice I could’ve done without (now that I look at it 8 years later).

I quit smoking when I was 19 and moved to Toronto to go to school. My reasoning was simply that I had to, I was completely afraid of leadership and it was rule, so ya gotta follow it or you’re kicked out of school, plain and simple. Then God did amazing things in my heart where I wasn’t so afraid of leadership, and realized that I’m actually likable etc… and a year and a half later I started smoking again. Brilliant huh? Well, that’s my second bad choice (yup, only made 2 my whole life). So, that was 3 years ago now and I’ve tried to quit multiple times, the best of which was a 5 month stretch last fall, then one day I woke up, said “hrmm..might as well have a smoke”. And most recently I gave smoking up for about a month, up until last Friday, where I realized I was leaving for a cruise the next day, and thought “oh God, I don’t know if I can go a whole week on vacation without smoking, so might as well not try and just start smoking, that’s a sweet idea”… so last Friday (ya, before I even got on vacation) I lit up and had a few smokes, and then between Saturday and today I went through almost 4 packs…not bad for someone who’s quit huh?

Here’s where my point comes in. I get on the cruise on Sunday, my whole concept for the week is “I’m on vacation, it’s ok” and instantly God starts to talk to me about all of this smoking jazz and why I’ve started again and such.

The very first night during worship Lindell Cooley (www.gracechurchnashville.com) starts prophesying that “today is the day, don’t wait till tomorrow”. Good scripture behind that, why put off till tomorrow, what you can do today. Well, God is talking to me the whole time, the whole evening, specially at that point, the fact that He’s asking me to stop smoking. See, told ya I’d get to obedience somewhere. What’s my head saying at that moment, you may ask? “I’m on vacation, I told you this Lord.”

His response (and such a cleaver one I might add), “You don’t get vacation from me son.” Oh man, you are so correct, how incredible is that, I’ve always had that thought in my head somewhere of just being on vacation sometimes. Oh I’m going on a trip, so I don’t need to think about God cause I’m on vacation. We don’t get vacation from God. (but that’s an entirely different thought pattern I’m not going to follow right now, but I really should sometime soon cause I think I might just get some really really really really good stuff about of it). So, then I see this vision of myself, full grown man (and you all know me, I’m quite full grown…and..uhh…man) and I’m drooling…but I’m drooling cigarettes…that’s right, DROOLING cigarettes. And God says to me, “when you wipe the drool from your lips, you will see yourself grow up. Interesting huh, usually a father will wipe the drool from his son’s mouth for him. BUT, here’s the kicker, God’s taken smoking away from me, He’s already wiped that drool from my mouth, and I’m deliberately drooling. Completely at my own will, completely on my own, letting myself just sit there and dribble when I could be growing up.

Well, that was last Saturday, and as I’ve already stated I’ve gone through almost 4 packs of smokes since then. The funny part, which there is more than one, but one of them is the fact that I wasn’t really enjoying the smoking all that much. Honestly, it was just kinda like work, it was “I’m on vacation, I’m going to enjoy this cigarette. I know it’s a marb light and tastes like shit, but I’m going to enjoy it anyways” (no I don’t know what shit tastes like….grow up)

So, God’s talking to me all day everyday every moment I have a smoke in my hand, every thought pattern involves my obedience toward what God has told me. Now, before you all feel guilty for smoking, I’m not here saying having a cigarette is a sin. That’s just an argument I’ve had with too many people too many times. But when God tells you to stop, then it’s disobedience when you don’t actually stop, that’s where the sin comes in. And so I’m smoking, la la la, and it’s really great and all, I’m arguing with God so much that eventually I can tune Him out to it, and half enjoy my vomitateous cigarette.

Here’s what God has been teaching me about Obedience.

When we obey what God asks us to do, we are standing in His grace to obey, and we are walking on His path towards Him, towards the destiny He has for us. When we choose (and remember it’s all about choice, life is a pattern of choices that lead us to an end) to disobey, we are willfully stepping out of that place of grace, willfully stepping off that path that God has put us on and stepping onto a path that we are selves are hoping will lead to somewhere special and good. And then we wonder why it seems like God is against us, or that He’s got it out for us etc.. Now don’t get me wrong, God is a Father of Love and grace. But if we continually step out of that, with no intention of stepping back into it (in certain area’s of our lives) we allow ourselves the opportunity of being blindsided by a nifty attack of our enemy. God has absolutely amazing grace and I’m going to get to some of that later, but for now I’m more going for the “what path are we on?”

God puts us on a path towards Him, towards the life he has for us. And when we disobey, choosing to step off that path, we see a rabbit off to the side of the trail and follow it, and we get a little pre-occupied by something else other than what God wants for us. This is not to say we start all the way at the beginning again, but we can’t cut straight across and get onto the trail ahead of where we were, we have to go back to where we stepped off the trail. So if we are living in disobedience, we are hindering our progress on God’s path, because we’ve willfully stepped off it, choosing to believe we can run our lives better than God can advise us to.

**and my beer is empty….shooot*

so, this is a huge revelation God has been showing me in the last couple weeks, that when we step out of Obedience we step out of His will, and out of the place of grace.

Here’s an example…Say God tells you to do something, and after you do that something you will receive a gift. But you don’t do the thing God told you to do, you do something completely opposite, but you are still living in the mindset that God is going to give you the gift, because you’re sure you heard God right?

Well, if A + B = C, we can’t really expect A + X = C can we? (where X is opposite to B J)

So, God tells (A) me that he wants to bless me with a new job (C), but He’s also asking (B) me to not tell anyone about it. Well I turn around and tell (X) everyone about it, that God is going to give me that job I wanted…

A = God’s promise to me

B = the path to get to God’s promise

C = the pot of Gold at the end of the path

X = the rabbit trail that puts me off the path

Do you really think I’m going to make it to C?

Remember, life is a series of choices. So, I’m sitting there, I’ve told everyone and I’m now wondering why I don’t have my new job, what’s going on, I’m sure God told me he was going to give me that new job, why is it that I can never hear from God properly?!? Why do I have such a hard time hearing God’s voice?!?...

This is where the enemy really takes the opportunity to have his way with our minds.

Here’s the truth. I heard God, loud and clear, and He wasn’t lying, His heart is to give me this great job. He’s also asked me to walk the path to get that job, but I chose to try and get there a different way. But I don’t have the road map, God does. So I take a step in the wrong direction and run with it, and God is sitting there “oh son, just come this way…” and I’m like “no no, don’t worry dad, I got this one…”

Good call doofus (that’s me saying that, not God)

I gotta own up and take responsibility for my actions, realize that indeed God wants to give me a gift, but if I don’t listen to him, if I don’t obey, I take things into my own hands, step out of grace, step out of that place of obedience where blessing and abundance and fullness of life flow freely and I jump into the lake of uncharted waters that I think I can navigate myself. It just doesn’t work.

Here’s where grace comes in.

God told me a long time ago that He wanted to be close to me, He also said that one of the ways that would happen was to stop smoking. I knew that smoking was getting in the way of my relationship with God. I was foolish, made more excuses than I care to think of. “Smoking isn’t a sin…” “God = Grace = Forgiveness” “you’re just religious, get off my back and quit telling me how to live…” ..blah blah blah, I argued till I was blue in the face and it got me nowhere, except asking constantly why I wasn’t closer to God that I wanted to be. And as I mentioned earlier, we don’t get vacation from God. So, if God has asked me to stop smoking, and the other side of that is going to be a life that has less in the way between me and God, I should listen right? Oh, there are going to be other things that God asks me to give up that get in the way of our relationship, that goes hand in hand with how much He’s been talking to me about sacrifice, which is pretty close to obedience…or almost the exact same thing huh?

So all week I’ve been arguing with God that I’m on vacation, that I’ll quit next week etc…and God has been relentlessly pursuing me, going to the max on getting my heart, getting me to give up what gets in the way of our relationship. He’s a good friend like that, always wanting to be closer than we currently are.

I find myself today standing on the deck of this ship looking out over the water having a cigarette and yet again God starts to talk to my heart, “give this up…” and my heart gets heavy, man does it get heavy, just feeling so “I don’t want to, I don’t want to, I don’t want to…. I want to…but I don’t want to”.

And then God said the most simple, but incredibly profound thing I’ve heard all day. He said, “If obedience can bring such blessing, how much torment can disobedience bring?”

I looked out over the water and remembered Jonah being eaten by a whale because of his disobedience….talk about a bad day and/or 3. think about that, think of being swallowed by a whale, that’s not even possible is it? Well it happened, and if you see Jonah in heaven before I do, tell him I says “sorry man, that’s just shitty”…

This is the thing….God doesn’t just punish His children left and right, but what His children often do is step out of the place of obedience, dragging us out of the grace and favour of God leaving us susceptible to what is really due our actions.

After saying this, I see very clearly in my Spirit man (another long conversation I need to have at some point with myself….man I love the sound of my own voice/thoughts/typings). I see 2 angels standing behind me and they have both of their hands on my chest and lungs, and I hear very clearly God say, “I have been protecting you…”

I was sitting at lunch with a friend yesterday and we were talking about the amount of times I’ve been in the hospital in the last month (7 times in a period of 12 days) and how I got incredibly sick, and all the tests came back clean and clear.

I’ve put a solid 24 years into ruining my body. Seriously, it’s hard to admit somedays, but I’ve in no way looked after my body, I’ve been smoking for the last 8 years, and I’ve been eating more and more and more and all the wrong things time and time again. I’ve put my body in last place, right behind the trash can. I walk out of my doctors office and he says, “well, your blood work comes back good. You’re healthy, your cholesterol is normal, your blood pressure is normal, your blood sugar levels are normal, your breathing is normal, your ___insert body function of any sort here___ is normal.”

How’s that possible? I have not looked after myself at all, and I’m fine, I haven’t ruined anything yet….Thank you God.

God has been protecting me. But I realized, how long can disobedience go on before I step to far out of God’s grace and something happens? God doesn’t remove grace in my opinion, He’s so good that he’s always wanting to pour grace, love, joy, etc… over our lives, but He has also given us free will, so my choices affect what He is able to do.

As I realized all of this I flicked the cigarette that I was smoking over the balcony of the deck I was standing on, reached into my pocket, pulled out the remainder of the pack of smokes I had and bent them in every which direction, making the conscious effort to be obedient.

Here’s my point, Obedience breeds blessing, breeds closeness to God. Disobedience, if it doesn’t bring us backwards, it will at least hinder us moving forward in our relationship with God, our destiny in Him and our lives that we are living here on this earth.

When God asks you to be Obedient, for your own sake, for God’s sake, for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven, obey, as hard as it may look and as hard as it may be, if you are willing to make that choice towards obedience, you will see yourself get closer to the one who created you.

God’s constant desire is to bring us closer and closer and closer to Himself, and only we can hinder that process. It’s a walk, it’s learning, I got lots more things to give up and lots more avenues of obedience to walk down, but if you can make that one step towards being obedient where He’s asking today, the next time will be easier, because you will be doing it from a stronger relationship with Him.

Here’s to living a life of good choices…24 might just be a good year ;)

p.s. - i'm gonna try and blog every week...just to verbal process if nothing more