where you been...

so, everyone asks "why you haven't blogged for so long"
well my answer...
sometimes i forget things. you know, like, you start something, and 3 months later someone says "so, how you doing with that", and u're like "oh shit, completely forgot"...
so this blogg is, in alot of ways, like a diet lol...you start a diet, and very shortly after you forget, then you remember, get a day of 'good' in and completely forget the next morning...

It's amazing to see how people run to different things for comfort. No need for specifics, but the staples are obvious. And when i sit down and think about how much BETTER it would be for me to actually just run to God, i wonder why in the hell i even turn to anything else. Then you end up looking back, over the last couple days, the last week, even the last month and beyond and think "God, what waisted time. How much closer could i be to you if i would've turned to you that one time, and the next time." it's like that with so many things isn't it. Addictions, comforts, diets, we try so hard and fail, and then look back and say "man, i'd be so far if only i could've stuck with it through those hard times.
So what do you do when you are in a hard time? well, the correct answer is 'run to God', and the actual answer is "i run away". oh i want to get away from it all, not necessarily run away, and leaving isn't always running away, it's what you do when you get there that defines running or getting away. I left toronto for a few days, i needed to Get away. good thing sometimes. but when i get home i realize all i want to do at home is 'run away'. it's almost an insult thinking that God isn't good enough to take care of my problems and i need to run to something else. whatever it is.

Life is no easy task. Whoever said it would be, was lying through their teeth, and they probably had big gangly narly teeth to begin with. The key to life, and i'm convinced of this, is to live through God. that sounds so cliche' christian crap, i know. but i look over my life experience, and before i ran into God and acknowledged i needed him, life was a hell hole. Then, once i thought i was at a great place with God, cause i knew him, i realized that most of my 'problems' were still right there beside me, so we begin this journey of working through all the hurts, and all the pains and all the disfunctions that are in our feeble little human lives. Forgiving those who have hurt us, asking forgiveness for the things we've done, trying so damn hard to get it right. it's easy to get into the mindset of "if i do it right, i am right, if i do it wrong/bad, i am bad". And God never once said that's how he works. he said "come to me all who are weary and heavy burdened, and I WILL give you rest." The last 3 days that's all that's been flying through my head "I HAVE NO PEACE...I HAVE NO REST"...and what have i done?..well i deffinitely haven't been running to God..until this morning i woke up and thought "i need your peace"...
how do you get it, how do you find the peace of God. well, he says he gives it freely. God is crazy like that, he loves us, for just being us, worst bits and all. I'm having a rough day the other day, i go outside to just relax, have a smoke, and what do i hear "how are you?". I'm like "GOD?!?"...of course i didn't hear this audibly, but it might as well have been. so i was honest, i said "i'm havin' a real rough go at it right now"...His response...simply this "i love you, you know"..
talk about almost breaking me.. God loves us even when we feel like everything is falling around us. He's absolutely amazing. The best way to find peace, is to ask.

wow, i'm preaching to myself lol. guess i better go put this little ditty into practice.

talk to ya later times...