Work, Life and all things inbetween

Yes, i know it's been a while since i wrote here, and seeing as though this is only my second post, well, i guess i can't say i'm doing to good at it.

-Family - i love my family, and after spending a week and a half with them, i've realized once again how much they truly mean to me. Not that i ever forgot that of course. But when life gets busy we seem to forget the true things in life. One of the true things in my life is my family. True meaning something that defines my life, defines who i am, what choices i make in life and deffinitely a huge part of why and how i am the man i am today (hoping it's allright of course). And to see my family upset, sad, or hurting in any way pains me to the core. I realize alot of things when i'm around my family, alot about why people live, and it brings alot of questions up about why i live, or why i live the way i live, or where i live. For a good amount of time now i've thought that the major thing holding me back from being in cornwall with my family was the fear of loosing the connection i have with God, or my relationship with Him. But having been in some of the hardest moments of my life in the last 6 months, meaning i question often why i believe and live for what i live for, i wonder how different it would be if i was not in this place. This place (TO) was so instrumental in bringing me back to life. I needed to get out of town, walk away from a life of depression and hurt and pain and walk into something powerful. And i did. And now i'm standing on the edge of "now that i've come this far, learned so much, where do i head now?!?". I can say i haven't had thoughts of suicide since i've been here, i haven't longed to walk away from life. Yet recently i've longed to walk away from the things i've learned, the things i've 'adopted' as my 'core beliefs'. I guess one of the biggest things i've learned being here is what is keeping me here. Walking away does nothing, walking away from destiny that is. I walked away from a life that was going to get me killed from my own hands, that was a good walking away. But walking away from the very things in your heart you know you are supposed to do, i've learned that doing that gets you no where. So i find myself stripped away from my family again, the ones i love so dearly, the little ones that don't even know my face because their uncle bob is not there. I got quiet before i left, because the pain in my heart was almost to much to bear. A burst of tears was the only way i knew how to cope with what i was feeling. And as much as i enjoy and know that my life in toronto is what i need to be running after right now, it gets harder and harder leaving that city, the one i grew up lothing, the one that i visited ONLY for family, and now a part of me wishes i was calling 'home' again...

-Work - Started a new job today. It never ceases to amaze me how simplistic some companies make their training programs. I walk into the building nervous and wondering "will i be able to handle this" and walk out saying "did it really need to take 45 minutes to explain how to 'log in' and 'log out' of that program?".. oh and seeing as though i've only worked in one call centre, i was thinking that the whole 'call centre' aspect was a pretty tough one. I'm starting to realize (don't forget this is only the first day and so things could drastically change) that my first experience in this line of work was a damn good one. The amount of information they packed into my brain to get the job done was incredulous, the programs we used where suffistocated and numerous. Today when i asked "so when do we learn the rest of the programs?" the reply i got was "that's it, you just use the one we've given you, and the intranet and information database." ....uhhhh...ok, so maybe this job is going to be easy, and then again maybe it won't, i will not rest on the fact that it is going to be easy, specially after the first day. But what i've had so far, points down the road that has a shaded rest stop every 10 feet. This gives me only one idea, i will give it my best shot, and see where it takes me. There is loads of room for advancment, and i'm ready to advance myself.
On another job note, i believe my time at the TACF Riverside Cafe is at an end. I've realize i do not need to be money hungry, allthough having an exorbitant amount of money is fine by me, but at the same time, working in a place that just gets under my skin the whole time i am there is just not worth the paycheque...specially when i don't need it in the first place. And i've got this feeling that i'm walking into this new job with a certain favour of a God that is big enough to get me some very serious promotions...

So, all things put into perspective, less money means less toys...but only for a little while longer. I'm good for the next couple monthes. This week and next week i work at the cafe. When i finish my training in 5 weeks i have some contract work that will take me probably 2-3 weeks and then i'll work part time at my new job till full time is available. i won't be strapped for cash, that's for sure.