Life can be such a cruel fucking joke sometimes.
Uncertainty can kill a man, or at least one who's fought through years of depression.
I'm sitting here at work wondering what the hell i'm doing. I have no job description yet, 5 days into it and i'm not all that sure what the fuck i'm supposed to be doing. Makes such little sense to be sitting here doing absolutely nothing at all. then you start to wonder if you were an idiot for taking the job in the first place because look at how much you can't offer to the company. So a whole week huh?...what you get done?!? "uhmm....i have a new desk..and a computer...and i loaded a bunch of music on my itunes.." that's gotta count for something right?...
go out get a new phone, kickin' phone, and realize the next day you just signed a 3 year contract, your job is a 2 year contract, you have NO place to live, and no prospect for a place to live, you feel constantly you are just waisting the companies time because you haven't really done anything constructive, or that you know if, sure i've done some great work this week, but not sure if it's done anything for anyone...so hoo-fuckin-raw for progress huh...
sure i figure this is just a 'funk' and i'll get out of it at some point, probably in the next ten minutes, but this is how i feel RIGHT now, that everything at this moment in front of me is going to backfire and i'm going to continually let people down. i feel like a useless shit right now.
depression, sure i beat it....right?!?!?
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