SLAUGHTERED! ! !

Well, as much fun as getting boots stuck in the mud, and socks dirty...(which was quite memorable)..in fact..probably one of the most traumatic times of my younger life i think. I was so emotional that day...lol..man..mud and kids...so much fun...

so, avril lavigne huh?!?..oh wait..i already covered that. Yah, i like her music. the whole "i'd marry that girl in a second"..well obviously i probably wouldn't seeing as though she's..uhh..i dunno..i have no idea where she is..

i had something to say, but i think i forgot it for now..

ok, get this..
Nvidia just came out with a 6800 Ultra 512mb video card. stand alone price... 999.00 USD.
That thing is rediculous. 33.6gb/sec data processing...absolutely disgusting that i want one so bad. It will be interesting to see how quickly ATI retaliates and releases a 512mb Radeon card. Cause that's a pretty good jump ahead for right now. First one to reach 512...step back..

Then (and this has been out for a bit now, but still...pretty tasty) Creative has their new line of SoundBlaster Audigy sound cards out. Sure the line only consists of 1 card right now, which is the Audigy 4 PRO. 7.1 surround sound capability (which doesn't do much when audio is currently only produced for movies at 5.1 and as far as i know games haven't hit 6.1 or 7.1 in their audio configurations either. So, having 7.1 capability as much as it's a grand thought, not all that grand at all. However, the fact that the card has the card that is accessable in the back and a stand alone interface as well, with (and this is the tasty part) 2 x Firewire ports. so, i buy a computer, 999.00 video card, brand new 7.1 audio card and 2gig ram of course, a couple 400gb hard drives, 2 x 23" hard drives and get myself a nice little audio I/O device (something like the motu 896) and then i've got work and play in one fantastic bundle.

I wonder at this ...for audio work (studio quality) everyone is going with mac, it's industry standard. mostly for the stability, and because it's been the standard for so long that some of the audio companies only make the software available for macs. I can't see a HUGE difference in the capabilities of both. Sure, macs are nice, a beasty g5 dual 2.7ghz with 30" cinema display would kick ass..and tiger just looks like it's going to rip apart windows...not that panther didn't already. But there's been this defining line that's put PC's out of the audio industry, when personally i don't know there's a whole huge amount of benefit doing that.. dual processors might be nice, but you can dual some xeon's if you want...and save some money along the way.
Another thing that gets to me. And if anyone has the answer feel free to relay it to me. Apple always puts video cards that just aren't up to par as far as i'm concerned.

well, talking out of my ass has inspired me to find information...so off i go...talk to ya...

WHOA

That was a pretty harsh last 'post' i made huh?...geez...
why didn't someone come up to me, slap me and yell in my face "HEY, get your head on straight"...
So, i'm at work today and it's still kind of difficult cause i don't know what my 'job description' is, and so i'm struggling with wanting to be busy, wanting to get work done and wanting to actually work. I don't like being paid and not having anything to do. Or not that i don't have anything to do, i just dont know what it is that i'm supposed to do right now. I haven't been given a job, i've been given a title. As of yet anyways. I mean, sure we've discussed the sort of "you're in charge of the database and ..." well actually i think that's about it. Which isn't anyones fault at all, i just can't stand that i'm sitting there trying to think of work for myself to do because i don't know what it is i should be doing.

The other part that is frustrating is that this project that is in place, the implimentation of a new program to replace about 6 programs the company is currently using; well the project started i'm guessing a month or so ago, so certain people are involved in different things, and i've jsut come on the seen and been named a pretty big title as it pertains to this project. Yet, i've missed the last month, haven't had a good catch up session and don't have a job description, and i've put 6 days of work in so far. So i'm a touch frustrated, but i know it's going to even out.

Went golfing with the boss this afternoon. That was a treat in of itself, good day for golf, absolutely beautiful. However, the course was incredibly busy, it took us 3 and a half hours to play 11 hours and by that point there wasn't much point in continuing, so 11 holes is where we ended it. which kind of sux cause i was just getting into it. The first 5 holes were rough, shot a 10 on a par 5, a 7 on a par 4 and a couple double boge's, no pars and ended up with a 55 on the first 9. OUCH.... hole ten was a par 3, i got par...hole 11 was a par 4, i shot 5...was pickin' it up at that point, but we caught up to people again and it was starting to get cold cause it was 7:30 and it was just no point to continue...so we called it a night. to much waiting in the cold wind. If there was no one in front of us we could've flown through the holes, but there were 3 groups ahead of us all walking. so slow.
This is how bad it was, on hole 3 or 4, not sure exactly which one, but we got there and there were 3 groups infront of us at the tee, and a group walking down the fairway and a group walking onto the green of the hole...including us that's 7 groups of people playing/waiting on that hole....WAY TO MUCH...

ok, so the real reason i wanted to post today was this...i totally dig Avril Lavigne. I think she's absolutely amazing. I don't know if she's got talent or not, but i think she's freakin great. Not sure why i had to say that...but there was a Much More Music "Profile" on her just about half an hour ago, anyways, i just think she's really good looking, and as much as i shouldn't admit this, i like her music...

so, i'm not necessarily an 'avril' fan, but i do think she's freakin' amazing, and i'd marry that girl in a second...

thought of the day....

Life can be such a cruel fucking joke sometimes.
Uncertainty can kill a man, or at least one who's fought through years of depression.

I'm sitting here at work wondering what the hell i'm doing. I have no job description yet, 5 days into it and i'm not all that sure what the fuck i'm supposed to be doing. Makes such little sense to be sitting here doing absolutely nothing at all. then you start to wonder if you were an idiot for taking the job in the first place because look at how much you can't offer to the company. So a whole week huh?...what you get done?!? "uhmm....i have a new desk..and a computer...and i loaded a bunch of music on my itunes.." that's gotta count for something right?...

go out get a new phone, kickin' phone, and realize the next day you just signed a 3 year contract, your job is a 2 year contract, you have NO place to live, and no prospect for a place to live, you feel constantly you are just waisting the companies time because you haven't really done anything constructive, or that you know if, sure i've done some great work this week, but not sure if it's done anything for anyone...so hoo-fuckin-raw for progress huh...

sure i figure this is just a 'funk' and i'll get out of it at some point, probably in the next ten minutes, but this is how i feel RIGHT now, that everything at this moment in front of me is going to backfire and i'm going to continually let people down. i feel like a useless shit right now.

depression, sure i beat it....right?!?!?

New Job, New Computer, New Music...

Ever have a really friggin post going and then the network goes down, and for some reason Explorer feels like it needs to F*** up and close on you right in mid post?!?!...
well, guess that's my fault for blogging during office hourse huh...had a little moment ya know how it is.

So, Betha-boo (whoever be you... :P) if i wanted people to read my blog i'd right stuff that might interest them lol....and advertise it, but the general public doesn't need to know about this little place i call blog. i don't even really know why people link it from their blogs...

i starts a new job next week, pretty excited about it... (takes care of the "New Job" part of the title)

I get a new laptop for my job, pretty psyched about that (takes care of the "New Computer" part of the title)

One of my friends bought the "My Chemical Romance" album (entitled "Three cheers for sweet revenge")...it kicks ass...but he didn't like it. so i got it off of him for a meer 10.00...good music for a good price. i'm lovin' it.. Then i'm in sunrise records one day, and they have this rack of 2/18.00. so i'm like "WHOA, new music day for sure" so i bought 4 more CD's lol. impulsive much, i think so, but that's a whole nother topic for an entirely different day.

more on the music front, went to a show last night. Taking Back Sunday and Jimmy Eat World. Sweet ass show. Both bands were super tight and played so damn well, and they had amazing stage presence. Ontop of all of that during the show God kept giving me all this crazy stuff for worship, like, the style of music, the passion in the music etc... as well as just some 'art' type stuff that the church is totally not tapping into. We want God to show up at church, and we don't make it fun. Im' standing in the Concert thinking "GOD WOULD LOVE THIS", and in fact He would. So i'm in this place of thinking "how to i please God, what can i do, that's just so out of my heart that will make God smile." God wouldn't give people the passion to be a rock star (bad name for it, but you know what i mean) if he didn't take pleasure in seeing His children just blow apart a concert hall of 7,000. I think even using our gifts that He's given us brings pleasure to Him. Of course there's the whole 'motive' thing are you wanting to be bigger than God and all that stuff... But that's a matter of the heart, and not about just getting out and doing it. imho

ok, so i've been thinking alot about why people are upset, frustrated, bored with there jobs, life, families etc... Ya hear it all the time "oh i hate my job, it's so boring...mundaine...pathetic...insert dirty comment about job here" and people get upset with a whole world of things and wonder why they are living, why they are doing things etc.
well i've realized, specially at this point of my life where i've just accepted a 2 year working contract, that people need very specific things in their lives.
Two of the most important are these: hope, and living to the fullest
living to the fullest: best way i could easily sum up "doing what you know in your heart you should be doing". Basically this means doing what you enjoy. I believe that God created us in His image, through and through. Not just looking like Him (cause appearance is so basic). If i grow up, and i don't like history so much, i shouldn't be a history professor, but i LOVE math, and i'm good at it, and when it's tough i enjoy working through it, numbers to me are like candies (exageration to prove a point). And ontop of that i enjoy show people how to get the things i allready understand, and i like helping people (ie. teaching). i've just effectively described a math teacher/professor. so why on earth would someone that should be a math teacher be in a factory pushing sheets of metal?!?! Of course there is job market, etc. But everytime this person has something 'mathmatical' he jumps at it, don't even get started on when someone needs help with something, especially if there are numbers involved.
You get what i'm saying, people need to be doing the thing they love. This could be multiple things, which is grand, and at certain points of your life the things you enjoy most might change. For instance, you have someone that completely enjoys their job, and at some point they realize that they've come with a new passion. That's because the things that drive our life change.
You have a man, no religion, no desire for it and he's a mechanic, loves it, loves cars etc... one day he finds himself in a church and God totally changes His perspective on life. Fixing cars might not be His number one passion. Or the capacity of what he does might change, who he does it for, why he does it. Take God out of the picture. He tries something new, gets totally hooked on it, loves it, realizes that he's been missing something in His life, or maybe just this new passion comes up. So he switches careers.
The other sad one is people in a job that they don't like for years and then realize they are doing the wrong thing and they switch careers. If only people could find that part inside of them that's crying out for more.
The next part to this has nothing to do with work. I went camping 2 years ago. haven't been since. That camping experience made me come alive, i love it, but haven't had the chance much in the last couple years. you NEED to get out and get involved with the things you love. i went out on a 4wheeler a couple summers ago. that was one of the funnest things. Living to the fullest means everyday, every moment. Crash when you need to Crash, take ur kids outside when you need to take your kids outside, get out camping or riding or surfing or snowboarding or whatever it is you feel free doing. That will make your life more enjoyable.

Hope: Proverbs 13:12 says, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick...". I believe that this is crutial to all lives. When we loose hope for something we get sick. A girl poors her heart out to a boy and he turns her down, her heart falls to the ground for a time because that hope, all the things she thought could/would be there aren't anymore. Same for the opposite.
A father tells his son that he's going to take him to the upcoming game (whatever game) and the boy is so excited, he's looking foward to this so much, and then the father has to cancel. The boys heart sinks...
Proverbs 13:12 continues and says, "...but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. " We need our longings fulfilled.
Most importantly, imho, our longing for love is the most important longing we have. And the truest form of love is from God. Takes a good while to figure that out sometimes. But He's got a world of love just for me, and just for you and just for everyone. That's the biggest part of fullfilled hope we need. Then the people around us, we need to support and be supported by.
Then the things we do. We need to have hope for today, for tomorrow, or else we start to wonder why we're doing anything at all...

That's all for now, cause i got work to do..you know, work...i'm enjoying it too...

may all your days be filled with the fulfillment of the longings in your heart...

Preying on the Poor...

I'm pretty sure somewhere in the Bible God said "look after the poor" or maybe even "Pray for the poor"...why is so much of society Preying on the poor...or at least so eager to take advantage of the downfalls and misfortunes of others? In the least they are taking advantage that most of society doesn't know how to budget...
So, i'm sitting in this Western Union yesterday, frustrated enough allready, but to add to all of that this particular WU is located in a "Money Mart", you know, one of those fast cash business' that you can get your cheque early if you can't afford to wait. i get a criptic feeling just being in one of those places. There was a poster on the wall with the statement "when you just can't wait till pay day", and it had a big picture of a guy standing there, holding these very large cigarette's that were on fire... how pathetic is that. sure, i smoke so i know when you run out of smokes and have no money, you'll do a whole lot of odd things to try and get urself a pack of the sweet toxins you're body is so craving. but why, when smoking is a large enough cost, are companies so willing to us such a thing as "smokes burning a hole in ur pocket" as a advertising tool. Oh and just to make them sound friendly their advertising slogan for the company is "Real People. Real Fast" ...are you kidding. that business is there for one sole purpose, to get as much money as they can out of people's lack of budgeting techniques.
i'm not the best of ones to talk, i suck at budgeting, but i also know full well that these places are there only to rip you off as much as you can. Banks in general, charges for everything these days. just to send a wire transfer of money cost me almost 300.00 yesterday, how awful is that. to send someone money. real people, really screwed...

When was the last time a company actualy came out for the benefit of the customer. I know starting a business is of course your 'bread and butter' and you need to live and why not make good money at it. But the gluttons of this society are far beyond getting their bread and butter. They are looking for every exploit possible to make as much money they can with as minimal cost as possible. I'm sick of companies that don't have a single shred of integrity and honesty in them. You know the best way to get your money's worth?..you have to bitch and complain, that shouldn't need to be done. The only reason i am satisfied with such services as Roger's Media is because i know that if i call and they document my account, and i call enough times to complain about something eventually i will get credit for my troubles. and that's hardly enough to satisfy me. i have no problems with Rogers right now so i'll leave htem out of it, but i'm sure someday i'll have lots to say about them. like...3 year contracts. 3 years?!?!...i guess when you look at the amount of people that don't move from one place it's not so bad. like my father, lived in the same city since he's been born, didn't leave for a thing, except the odd vacation. 55 years in one place. Not a bad place, works well for him etc. so in that sense, 3 year contracts aren't all that bad, but geez, for a person like myself, who has absolutely no idea where i'll be in 6 months from now let alone 3 years, contracts like that would be the end of me. cancelation for a regular cell phone contract?!?!. ..20/month up to 200.00...rediculous.

ok, enough ranting for now, i got work to do...or, a lunch hour to enjoy...